“Why can’t we not be sober?”

10 Feb

[It’s kind of weird/spooky that my 66th post is titled with a Tool lyric.]

How’s the sugar-restricted lifestyle going?

Well…it isn’t…

I feel so guilty admitting this, but honestly, I’ve been doing a piss-poor job of reigning in my sugar consumption even though I made an alliance.  I hope my ally doesn’t take this personally!  I’ve been known to suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), and this year has been particularly bad.  I’m constantly having quarter life crises (pity parties) over the fact that life is so UNFAIR and often very BORING.  I’ve been a negative Nancy cranky McCrank pants for the past 2 months (but have apologized to Derek at least).  When I was younger, I turned to naughtier sources of mind alteration to help me through these horrific brain spells.  However, now that I am a “grown-up”, I have simply joined the adult masses in self-medicating  with coffee, dark chocolate (all hail the mighty theobromine!), sugar, and the (very) occasional drink.

In general, I only drink coffee on the weekends.  I usually have just 1 or 2 cups, but sometimes that’s enough to make me feel like an insane person.  I seem to be overly sensitive to caffeine (and most things, so I guess this makes sense…).  In any case,  I find myself enjoying the highs of eating huge amounts of dark chocolate lately.  This translates into shitty inadequate sleep which means crabby cravings leading to more dark chocolate binges.  Interestingly, my sugar obsession has been somewhat deterred by my new found obsession with dark chocolate.  I find that milk chocolate just doesn’t hit the spot anymore.  After I eat it, I have immediate indigestion & dissatisfaction.  Where the hell is the all the cocoa in this garbage?  BUT since I am eating SO MUCH dark chocolate (generally in the 72-88% range), the sugar is adding up beyond the goal I was aiming for.  Harrumph!

It might be time for a different approach.  I am a black-and-white thinker (such a curse!).  I feel I should just cut out (rather than attempt to limit) coffee, sugar, and chocolate 😦  in an effort to regain control of a healthier psyche.  For some people, restricting foods leads to disordered eating.  I seem to have this problem NO MATTER WHAT I DO.  I can allow myself to eat whatever I want and feel like crap or restrict certain foods and feel physically better but experience intense emotional meltdowns.  How can I handle life without coffee, sugar, or chocolate?!  Okay, I know I’ve done it before.  This time it’s just REALLY hard.

Twenty-Twenty-Twenty-Four Hours to Go…I Wanna Be Sedated!

I guess I’ll just have to rejoin the minority.    Not many people go through their daily lives in a truly sober manner.  I often wonder what would happen if all socially acceptable legal vices were suddenly banned or unavailable.  Imagine a Third World War with sugar rations (something that happened during the Second World War – http://www.learnnc.org/lp/editions/ww2-rationing/5931).  If we woke up tomorrow to a sugar-, cigarette-, tea-, coffee-, alcohol-, chocolate-free existence, there would be mass hysteria!   Well, I suppose Seventh Day Adventists might just have any average day…other than trying to fend off all of the crazed zombies around them. 😉

In summary: I suck at moderation but have occasionally excelled at absolutism, so let’s give this sugar-free thing ANOTHER go.

Also, science to backup my assertions that binging has less to do with willpower & more to do with hijacked brain chemistry makes me feel better.

Evidence: http://ajcn.nutrition.org/content/61/6/1206.abstract

Sometimes Derek will buy snacks for himself, but once he turns his back most/all of it is down my throat (with the exception of gummy bears – barf!).  Naturally, he gets irritated by this since he’s capable of eating normal amounts of treats, (with the exception of gummy bears) and they were his to begin with.  When I apologize, he often responds with just don’t eat it…

In the words of Louis C.K.: “It’s a whole spiral that begins with a donut, later on I’m killing hookers and I don’t even remember what happened.”

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4 Responses to ““Why can’t we not be sober?””

  1. Louisa February 10, 2013 at 9:11 pm #

    Sorry you’re having such a hard time right now. I feel your pain. Jordan is challenging me to quit drinking altogether. I’ve agreed to a two week break and have previously cut down significantly, but it’s not enough. He needs to quit if he expects me to and vice versa. Guess we’ll see how this goes…

    • thehungryguineapig February 11, 2013 at 5:15 am #

      That’s interesting, because I have recently challenged Derek to do the same. I revoked my request when I realized he would just smoke more cigarettes & eat more gummy bears! I told him to focus on the smoking first. Good luck in your abstinent endeavors. At the very least, I hope you find it enlightening. Even though I have gone through an entire year of restricted eating, I can’t seem to get past my emotional attachment to food. Vices are a hard thing to let go of. I understand more than ever how some people get to the point of eating/drinking themselves to death (ignoring their diabetes, celiac’s disease, or pancreatitis for example). Let me know how it goes!

  2. tessatito February 16, 2013 at 1:51 am #

    AHHH!! It was nice seeing you today, then I logged in and read this and was like OH MY GOSH this girl gets it. I relate to this on so many levels–what with the black and white thinking and the perfectionism and I love your sense of humor! I am amazed at how you are doing all of this and try not to be hard on yourself. I get it.. I’m trying to quit smoking with the patches. I quit for 4 days then was like bahhhhhhhh this sucks waaah pity party time, and started again. A less of evils for now I suppose. I’m just cutting back to only a few a day. Anyhow.. If you like yoga and are ever interested in going to classes, let me know! Now I have normal people hours and are free most nights 🙂 I like yoga with the exercise and relaxation and making fun of the some of the new age garbage plus it helps motivate me to eat healthier and helps my mood.

    • thehungryguineapig February 18, 2013 at 10:41 pm #

      I took yoga classes while attending St. Cloud State and really enjoyed it. Do you already go to one? If we can find one that meshes with both of our schedules, I say let’s do it! 😀

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